So far, nothing about this blog is very different or very good, for that matter. It is another person writing down her personal thoughts that might not be of any interest to anyone else. Or maybe they are.
Blogs are interesting to me because there are so many thoughts floating across the internet. A person writes about a topic that interests them or just writes about their day or about any random thing that runs through their mind. It is interesting to see what talents that others have to share or what opinion they want to express.
People fascinate me. I say all the time, “I collect people,” –not in a creepy way, like in my basement. I mean that I am infatuated with people and what makes them tick, how they think, and why they choose to act the way that they do. Some think that they are not making choices about their actions, but for the most part, I don’t believe that’s true. Sometimes a human being is acting purely out of instinct, but that is more rare than you might think. Most of the time, our actions are premeditated. The pre-frontal cortex is fully activated and making executive decisions. Our past experiences definitely do have a role in our decisions about behaviors.
Lack of action is also a decision, most of the time. Except in that rare occasion when a person is in the “freeze” mode when feeling threatened, not doing anything is making a decision as well. It is unusual to think about behavior in this way. It is the perfect defense. “I didn’t do anything!” How many times has that sentenced been uttered as a proof of innocence, when it could be considered proof of guilt. Sometimes it is important to “do something” and be involved in the stream of life.
I had a call earlier today. My friend asked, “What are doing?” My reply was, “Nothing really.” That wasn’t true. What I was doing was not cleaning my house, not going to the cable company, not mowing my yard, not going to the grocery store, not getting ready for my upcoming beach trip, and not participating in my life today. I was actively being inactive.
It was Friday and my day off work. As an introvert, it is my day of the week when I don’t talk to anyone unless I choose to answer the phone. I try to to see anyone either. I catch up on the television shows or movies from the past week and play computer games. I also do hours on end of mindless internet searches and read news from around the world and blogs about any imaginable topic. I devour books and binge watch television series. It is not pretty. It is necessary for me to take a day every week to let the myself go and refuel my internal batteries. It makes it possible for me to do what I need to do the other 6 days a week. My inactivity is a very deliberate behavior.
Coming from a family with a strong work ethic, this seems like a huge waste of time. I often feel guilty for my indulgences. I berate myself for it. But then I read something about the plight of the introverts in the world, and I let it go. Tomorrow will come and I will be back among the living. I will be back in the stream of life. But not today!